


you can't hide the hurt

by charjace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attack, Suicidal Thoughts, one or two of them, pre-dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 00:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11886561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: jace has a panic attack, and simon helps him





	you can't hide the hurt

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt sent into my tumblr

Life really hasn't been going well for Jace lately. No, everything seems to be pilling onto each other just to make everything worse than it was mere seconds ago. Generally, he's always busy  _somehow_  so he doesn't have to think about it too long. Because if he were to think about it for just that bit longer he's afraid of what would happen to himself. Would he crumble to the ground? Would he break mentally? Would he just go numb and do nothing like he's been taught as his mind wonders all those dark places? Would he find himself at the killing end of a blow, and would he accept it or fight it? Would he willing let himself fall into the darkness that is death forever, leave those he cares about without him?

He's thinking about it too much, and as each darkening though plagues his mind he's finding it harder to take in breaths or steer his mind away from it. Away from the mental image of Alec dead, of Isabelle, Maryse and Max. The mental image of Maia and Clary dead, of Luke. Magnus and Simon, and even Lydia. He wants them to leave his mind, because he would be dammed if he let that happen to them. After everything they've been through none of them could die,  _none_  of them. They were all too good for this world. Deep in his mind, he knows that with Valentine gone that everyone is  _safe_ but it's like his mind is just wanting to put him through some more hell.

Everything in front of him isn't clear, and his mind just keeps racing and telling him of what could have happened if they hadn't stopped Valentine. His mind telling him that just because Valentine is dead, doesn't mean that it's over. That they're just being lead into a false sense of  _calmness_. He just wants it to stop, why can't he stop enough to go to the training room and train until he forgets about all those worries. 

He didn't catch it in time, and he doesn't know how he's going to stop this because he's never let himself get this far into his mind. It was terrifying, and he can feel his breathing becoming even more erratic. Where was Alec, can Alec feel this? Oh god, Jace hopes that Alec isn't going through what he is. Everything around him wasn't coming into focus, no words, no nothing. He's not sure when he feels it, but he does feel a hand softly hold onto his shoulder. There was hesitance with the touch, but to him it was  _calming_ , it was welcomed. His mind automatically telling him that it's most likely Alec, he can feel the hand guiding him to  **somewhere**  and because the touch was nice in this state of panic he had, he let himself be moved.

Honestly, he couldn't tell you how long it was before he felt himself calm down enough to notice that he was in his room, or that Alec – no, it was Simon who was standing in front of him holding his hands as he rubbed his thumbs across the back of Jace's hands. He blinks slowly a few times, and watches as Simon's face split into a grin.

"You feeling better?" Simon asks, concern lacing his voice and Jace just wants to  _hug_  Simon because while he knows that they'd both care for each other. Whether they are likely to admit it or not, Jace didn't know it would have extended to helping him with this panic he felt.

He takes in a deep breath and slowly lets it out, "Y-Yeah." He doesn't like the sound of his voice as it comes out. It sounds weak and pathetic. "What happened?"

Simon raised an eyebrow slightly, "You were having a panic attack. Don't you know what that is?"

Jace gave a small shake of his head, "No. We don't do mundane things remember."

"Right," Simon says, sighing a little he gives a small smile. "I didn't know what to do with you. Everyone is different, so I thought I'd take you away from everyone else and take you to your room. You gripped my hands as I tried to let go, so I started to rub my thumbs. Thought it would be calming."

"Thank you," Jace says, giving a small nod of his head and letting his hands slip out of Simon's. His mouth frowns a little as the feeling of Simon's hands in his, and he doesn't know why. "You didn't have to do that."

"No, you're correct I didn't. But, you've helped me out, literally saved my life like more than should be necessary, so I felt like I should help where I could. Alec was busy, and so was Izzy. I know you would have preferred one of them over me," Simon's voice quick as he rambles on a bit, and Jace watches a little as Simon moves his hands to his pockets to stop himself from moving them around. "I'm glad you're okay. I can leave now, if you want me too."

"Stay? Do you have your guitar?" Jace asks, he could do with some music to calm himself down but he doesn't feel like the one to play. Simon shakes his head, and so Jace asks, "Do you play piano?"

"I know a few tunes, why?" Simon muses, giving a small tilt of his head.

"Just... follow me," Jace says before leading Simon down to a room where a piano was sitting, he motions for Simon to take a seat at the instrument and he does. Jace only knows classical tunes, so he just tells Simon to play what he knows as he finds himself taking a seat next to the vampire. It was nice, listening to Simon play, to hear his voice as he sings a few lines. He feels his eyes droop and his head getting heavy, that he rest it upon Simon's shoulder until he finds himself falling asleep to the soft keys and gently voice of the music that was Simon Lewis.


End file.
